Confused?

...Been busy doing work, entertaining patients, pleasing my colleagues and especially my boyfriend!... but no time for myself.
I don't know how to describe what i feel these past few days, weeks and months. Have you been confused? personally, i've been disoriented and didn't have time to pamper myself. I wonder why? then it comes to a conclusion that i am inlove.... and i think (again!) with the "wrong guy"...
As you read my profile, indicated there that i'm smart but stultify when it comes to love. Yes! it's true. Unfortunately, "history repeats itself" as the saying goes. I zest too much love for fallacious guy.... and i can inject that "Love is really blind". i don't even consider him my ideal hombre... because he has the extremely odd quality what i look for in a man, but, what the heck?! i loved him too much, that i was misguided and taken for granted too often.
Whenever i see a mistake on his side, we argue, and in the end, the blame is always on me... he doesnt even know how to say sorry. He can't absorb what i am trying to point out, rather, the long conversation is very non-sense it'll put me on the hotseat instead. It's a never-ending cycle. The first few months were understandable, but now, i really can't resists it. I'm fed up! i tried to broke up with him several times....but he wins me back all the time, so forgiveness rules!
Now, it's a very bewildering scenario im havin'. I want to get out of this crappy relationship. I know myself. I have been very open to him, no hideous act. he knows all the things i do, he even confiscate my cellphone, my ipod touch just to prove that i do no hidden agenda... i wondered why is he doing that to me? he was just too paranoid that i may render the pretentious act he's giving me. All the while i thought he changed. But no, he did not! he was the same old Sh*t who utters lie, but he wanted me to lielow to use the internet. i don't want a person who doesn't trust me. i don't hide anything from him. and i really can't comprehend why can't he be truthful.... I gave all, now, i am fed up! I constantly say to him that... "I AM TALKATIVE but I AM NOT A LIAR!"...
I don't empathize why people do such an act but hate it when others do the error they're doing?I hope he knows the GOLDEN RULE... if not, i may seek a sculptor and request to engrave it on a stone for him!
They say time heals all wounds... but how about if it left a scar? i admit i am not perfect nor an ideal girlfriend....but i make it appoint to reach out and try to change for the better. i understand things that aren't true, eventhough it hurts, i try to perceive it in a positive way i can, but sometimes i let it out with tears if i am alone... too bad im not in my country to communicate with my friends. it's the hardest part, to be alone in the midst of heartache, no one to talk to. i wanted to move on... but how? i see him everyday at work.... i wanted to let go... God is my only friend i have now, and i have a big faith in Him... Thy will be done!
Basically, i do not know how to end this blog now... but im very much sleepy. i guess, tomorrow's another day. A chapter closes now, will open again tomorrow.
Until the next post!